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I had an interesting past few days... Or an interesting week! One of my best friends, Ryan, finally received a double lung transplant! Over two and a half years of waiting on the list. It's nothing short of a miracle! He's doing well, as far as everyone can tell. Skin color is coming back quick. Very alert, aware of everything going on. Joking about. Incredible story! He could be in a room on the floor (currently he's in ICU) in the next day or two. Please keep him in thoughts and prayers!! 

The rest of the week was pretty crazy as well! However, I'd rather not give a full play-by-play here. But, it was a good week =). God definitely took a hold of me, especially the last few days, though, and left me wondering a lot about myself...

Ryan's dad and I got into a conversation on the way home from the hospital last night, and he mentioned a couple things that struck me pretty hard. The first thing was putting something to the ultimate stress test. How much could something, or someone, take before breaking. The second was he told me that our group was made of people who were probably part of 1% of the population of young adults that were completely driven, always pushing to achieve to our goals. (1% was an extreme exaggeration, fyi)

After hearing these things, I immediately wondered, "Have I really pulled this off? Did I manage to hide every fault I had, for years, and come across as being this determined? If so, I deserve an academy award ;)!" Haha. But, seriously... I know he sees something in all of us; he's too intelligent of a man, to be honest, to only see us at surface level and no further. 

I let this set in and realized that, yes, I am determined. I want to be successful. I want to do something I'm truly passionate about. But, to this point... I feel that I've gotten comfortable in my abilities, for the most part. There aren't too many things that I'll try for any long-period of time, because I'm a little impatient... or a lot impatient? And hate waiting for a masterpiece. Pair this with my perfectionist attempts, and I don't get as much done as I'd like to. I'd rather skip the failures. Sure, I learn from each and every failure (and there are A LOT!), but if I know, or think, I can skip them, I'll take that route.

From here on out, I don't want to be afraid of failure. Sadly, I think most of us are. I believe that we all feel this way, to some degree. We're called to take a leap of faith, yet we're looking for a safe spot to land. We all want the success without the hardship. It's much easier!

I don't mean to put God to the test; that He'll bring you back up. (Matthew 4:5-7) Where's the faith in that? And be sensible about it. Is purposely jumping in front of a moving car, expecting Him to save you, such a good idea? 

What I mean when I say I don't want to fear failure is that I feel I'm letting the unknown control who I am rather than Him. It's as if I've gotten to the point that I think I know what'll happen if I do this, or if I do that, and run through known (experienced) possibilities to figure out what the unknown (result) will be. But, you know what? I'm 23 years old. What do I know?! Has five years of real Faith taught me a lifetime of "results?" It's ridiculous, right?? I want to say that God was trying to tell me this all week, in everything I witnessed and experienced, and, knowing I still wasn't getting it, He threw these two very blunt, black and white statements at me as a last resort! (I can just imagine Him up there. His hair all messed up, robe is filthy, and hasn't showered in days! "FINALLY! Geez... Geoffrey [His angel assistant], please get Me another cup of coffee. Kthx. *pulls up another prayer*... *Sigh*... Make that two coffees!")

The lesson is NEVER GIVE UP! We weren't guaranteed an easy life, but we are guaranteed life itself if we choose to believe in Him. To trust Him. (John 3:16; Matthew 7:13-14) Don't let the unknown take His place! We're meant to live beyond measure. We have the abilities to do anything through Him who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13) This is going to sound cliche, but how will you ever know if you don't try? Whether you're 19, 20, 21, 22, 23... 84 years old! Don't EVER believe that you know all there is to know. And upon possible failure, don't beat yourself up over it. Use what you learned from it and KEEP FIGHTING!

Never give up.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)

P.S. I wrote an eerily similar topic a while back (click here!). Apparently, it took me a long time for God to get through to me =P. I hope you all  are getting something out of my rambling confusion and self-realizations! Haha.